I’m sure you’ve already gone to multiple sights ferociously searching for all-of the right answers before taking the plunge into foster parenthood.  

Let me tell you now, there are dozens of sites that will give you the basic knowledge you need on becoming a foster parent (Here are some of those basic questions). What those websites don’t give you are the genuine questions that you will have after you’ve decided you want to be a foster parent.

Here are the top ten questions new foster parents ask.

How does Health insurance work?

All foster children are eligible for Medicaid which cover medical, dental, vision, and even counseling services. That sounds great right? It is, but wait, what they don’t tell you is that you must search for doctors and facilities who accept Medicaid. I wouldn’t depend on your agency or social worker for a list of services in your area. Most of the time they simply won’t know. You’re your child’s biggest advocate so you’ll be the one searching and making those doctor’s appointments.  

So, this should be as easy as finding a doctor for your bio kids, right? Not a chance. You may find a facility that accepts Medicaid, but they may not be the right fit for your child. You have to ask yourself; do they genuinely care? If they don’t, get out of dodge and find a good doctor. If you find a facility or hospital network that is top-notch and accepts Medicaid, hold on for dear life and transfer all services to that hospital ASAP. Trust me it saves you, headache, time, and paperwork.  Special services such as trauma focused therapy, cardiology, and dentistry often have a long wait list for Medicaid patients. If your child is already a patient in the network it gives him/her access to more services and allows you to become a priority on their ever-growing wait list, getting you seen sooner than a new patient.  

There may be times that the services your child needs can only be done at an office that doesn’t accept Medicaid. Will you have to pay out pocket? Sort of. If it comes down to you having to pay out of pocket for medically necessary procedures or medication, let your social worker know right away. You should and will be compensated for any out of pocket costs you have. You will of course have to show proof on what you bought, so save those receipts. The reinburment will come in the next care check you receive.  

When should I foster?

This question is a multi-layered question. Should we foster before or after kids? How old should are bio children be? Should we wait? This is highly dependent upon you and where you are in your life. I know that sounds like a generic answer but hear me out. My husband I decided to foster before having any biological children. We wanted our foster kids to know that they are not a second thought to bio children they are just as important.  

Life happens. You move to a new house, you have more kids and eventually you’ll foster, right? Maybe next year. Next year comes, and it changes to not this year maybe after the kids are older. The kids become older, and it just never happens. I’m not downing any foster parent who waits, my point is life happens and that’s why my husband and I decided to foster first, before having bio kids.  

On the other hand, our church friends decided to wait to have foster kids until all their children were older and could understand the complexities of fostering. The older kids even help with their foster brothers and sisters.  

There is no right or wrong answer to this. It’s up to you and your lifestyle. If the time isn’t right, wait. These kiddos need you there 100%.

What age-group is best for me and my family?

Babies, toddlers, kids, teens? Most of you may already be thinking “Babies and little kids only, no one older than 5.’ Hold your horses and hear me out. The waiting list for babies and toddlers is long, it’s normally at least a year-long wait. Why? Everyone wants babies

People assume that babies and toddlers are easier to handle. That’s not necessarily the case. Each age group has their own unique challenges. Just because your foster kid is little does not mean that they don’t experience trauma. (http://www.ncdsv.org/images/CMHRerReview_TraumaAndChildWelfare-Part4_Jan2012.pdf)  

Younger kids also have a harder time understanding what is going on. Your foster kid may not always live with you and may go home to their biological family, making it harder for babies who grew up with you to understand why they are leaving home. I’m not saying this to discourage you it’s just a reminder that babies doesn’t mean easier.  

You may think that you can’t handle an older child or teenager. But remember they’re kids too. They need love and guidance just as much as the babies.

Choosing our age group wasn’t difficult for us. We choose to only foster kids 12 and up, essentially teenagers.  

When we first signed up as foster parents the social workers were shocked. “Teenagers??? Most young parents and first-time parents want babies!” We knew that and that’s exactly why we wanted teens. Most people don’t view teenagers as kids, they view them as some sort of lost call, set in their ways group of people. They’re babies too, still learning and developing into adults. (https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=1&ContentID=3051)

Teenagers need love too. Imagine not having anyone when you were a teenager. How lost would you have felt? We’ve both seen what life after foster care can look and we wanted to prevent that.  

Keeping in mind that there are older kids, they may not be a good fit for your family and that’s ok too. When choosing an age group think of your lifestyle and how a child would fit into it. If you already have children, maybe an additional baby would be beneficial. If your children are older, having a child their age may help your foster kids cope. If you’re at work all the time and need a child who is a little more independent, a teenager may fit your lifestyle.

Can I choose my foster child?

Can you choose what your bio kid will look like? No. You don’t really get to choose what your foster kid will look like, they aren’t puppies.  However, the agency does take into consideration ethnicity and faith and will try to make the transition easier for both you and the child. Keep in mind, there are plenty of transracial adoptions and foster families.  

Normally, you get a call on a potential placement and are given basic information about the child. Such as age, gender, and any medically need to know information. If you say yes, you will be able to meet them in person.  

Depending on their age, the foster kiddo will choose whether they want to come live with you. Kids over 12 often make decisions about their care.  

How much contact with Bio (the Biological) family will we have?

That depends on your child’s bio family. Some bio parents will be in contact with their children every day, some once a week, and unfortunately others will want no contact with their children at all.  

You will have contact with them at some point, even if they never reach out to their child. The main focus of foster care is reunification with bio family. That will always be their first placement goal when they enter care, no matter their age or situation. If reunification isn’t an option other steps, such as adoption, legal guardianship, or independence will be their placement goal.

How much paperwork is there?

There is a lot of paperwork in the beginning, however, your licensing specialist will be there with you through most of it. Of course, you have paperwork to save when you go to doctor’s appointments, school activities, etc. I would keep a small folder with your child’s name on it to keep track of all those loose papers

Can we afford more kids?

This is dependent upon your life……wait, wait, don’t leave. I know I know again with the lifestyle questions. But seriously have a good sit down with your partner and go over finances. If you can afford to have a baby, you can afford to have a foster child. Do Foster parents get paid? Foster parents get a stipend for living expenses and it all should go to taking care of your child. DO NOT become a foster parent for the money.

What do we do if we get a kid that doesn’t get along with our kids?

Foster care can be trying for everyone involved including your bio children. Explain to your bio kids that foster kids have gone through different things and some have been treated poorly, that you and your partner will treat them differently in some ways because they need special care right now.  

Your older kids may understand the complexities of foster care, but your younger kid may not. Make sure that you spend some extra time with your bio kids to show them that you’re there for them to.  

Be patient and give it time, but also understand when it is time to move on.  

Whose coming in and out of our house and how often?

As a foster parent, you are a part of a team. There will be times that your team needs to talk about plans or other things related to your foster child.  

Licensing Specialist: A licensing specialist is there with you from the beginning. They help you get, renew, and keep your license to foster. Your specialist will visit your home frequently when you are new to foster care. After you are licensed and settled, they will visit your home for monitoring visits every six months.  These visits include checking the child’s room, checking emergency planning, fire alarms, and other standards your state or county require of your home. Our Licensing specialist was so very helpful in the beginning of our first placement and resolving problems we kept running into. Use them as a resource even if you don’t see them as frequently.

Social Worker: The social worker is mostly for your child; however, you are free to ask and reach out to them at any time. Social worker’s visits depend on how needed your child needs them. Some social workers come once a month, while children with special needs see their social worker once a week. There will be times that the social worker will want to spend some time with your child and may ask you if they can take them out to lunch or dinner.  

Mentors and Special Programs: Your agency may special programs that your foster child can be involved in. Such as mentorships and other special activities that allow your child to go into your community and have some fun. The initial intake into a program may require a visit to your home to give you information about the program.

Bio parents: Depending on your child’s case and their relationship with their bio children, you can set up visits in your home. The frequency of visits depends on the availability of you and you the bio family and how comfortable you are with them being in your home. If you’re not comfortable with them coming to your house, just let your social worker know, you can always meet in a neutral spot like Starbucks or your kiddo’s favorite place. These visits to your home may be called “supervised” visits. There may be time that your foster kiddo will go with their bio family on their own.  

How do you handle saying good-bye?

It’s going to hurt…. BAD. That’s the price of love, but if you decided to be a foster parent to feel good, you came to the wrong place. Being a foster parent is about serving and lovng, even when it hurts. Take the time to grieve as you would the loss of any other family member. Reach out to your community and find counseling in your time of grief.